looking in, looking out

photo credit: sadie klein 2017 | looking in, looking out

they say the eyes are windows to your soul

but i don't want you to just look in and take a quick peek
a single cold scan up and down my body
this is not an afternoon of window shopping
your face pressed against the glass, critical and assessing
telling me how, when, and what to change to best suit your preferences
dished out as advice served with a single compliment as a snotty afterthought
i want you to climb inside my space
get nice and uncomfortable, wrapped around my thoughts and bones, use my eyes and take a look around
to see what i see, how i see it, when i see it

i wonder

would you understand that i watch everything
how it all moves before me
every last detail
simultaneously lightning fast
and slow
like
molasses
in
december

would you crumple under the weight of all my worlds on these shoulders
hips
knees
ankles

would you feel the weight of all those words spoken
feel how they can paint vivid pictures that
gently dissolve like feather-light snowflakes soft upon my cheeks
or crash land, bury and dig themselves into my skull like megaton bombs and jagged shrapnel

if you climbed inside my space, got nice and uncomfortable, wrapped around my thoughts and bones
and took a look around
would you be left wanting

would you want more windows
or would you want a mirror

looking in
looking out